this is my first blog here, and in response to a friends post about awakenings i figured that what better way to start off my blog here than to write about my wakening...

 my family was never religous, and we never really went to church.  my mom told me later on that she figured that we would find what path was good for us and that would make her happy.  

 the first time i remember going to church was with a friend when i was about 7 years old, she was catholic, i remember thinking i never been to church before, this might be fun, and when i got there i realized how boring and full of crap the church was, i dont remember much of the sermon but i do remember putting a butt load of pennies in the collection plate wonderful impression the church left huh.

 my mom thought she might want to expose me to some church i guess to my grandmas urging (ie she wanted to go to church for some reason and decided to drag us along, as i said we as a whole were not religous) and after maybe a month of sundays, it was decided that it was not for us.

 all of my religous introductions were at the urging of my friends, the first of whom at this point was jahovas witness, asked me to join her for her bible study, which was private (ie her and the elder) which i was promptly kicked out of for asking a question about sex.  i was 10.  then morman, then christian, and all through my teen years i was asked to go to church by a friend (who i guess thought i needed to be saved that means all of them who asked) i would go once think they all looked like a bunch of sheep and then never went back.  

the last time i went was when a boyfriend of mine begged me to go with him, i went, and when i got there they split the groups up male and female, and i didnt want to be left with out him so i tagged along to the boys group and when i got there they didnt feel like talking with me around i guess boy stuff was too much for my ears, so i started talking, and i guess they realized that girls thought about the same things i went, and they asked me to come back, of course i didnt like the fact that they sepreated the boys from the girls like this so i didnt and i decided never to go to church again.  

it was about this time that i had been realizing that my thoughts and words had action, and my friends would say if tammy said it then it will come true eventually.  it all started when i sadly wished for my dogs death due to her barking outside my window and i had a migraine, the next day she was accidently let out of the yard by a worker, and followed me off to work and got hit by a car.  it was a hard lesson to learn and i still feel as i caused her death to this day.  i odviously needed to learn that lesson, and in recent years im seeing alot of my irrational thoughts come to fruition from that time makeing me realize that even idle thoughts had power, even though they may take years to maifest.

now i had been exposed to paganisim in some way from about the time i was 23, i followed a friend in to a pagan chat room (she asked me along i guess she thought it would be good for me and i guess it was lol) every one kept putting bb up, and since that is the first part of my screen name i thought they were talking to me, they then explained to me that it was blessed be or bright blessings, and told me alittle bit about their belifes.  i then started to realize that paganisim was not as bad as the general thought about it was.  and i even realized that i thought alot like them.  but it wasnt enough to make me realize it.

 then one day i was at work and we were signing a card for a friend who had had a baby, and my old boss who was now a consleor put "blessed be your journy together" to which i said to him "that was a very pagan thing to say" he said "well thats cause im pagan" rather frusteratedly.  the next day i went down and appoligized if i had accidently outed him, he said that he was surprised that i knew what it ment and then thought that maybe i might be pagan too.  i said no but i do have alot of similar beliefs.  i think he was a bit bummed that i wasnt.

 then my best friend came out as a witch, i just told her to becareful and i guess she thought i didnt appove of her being a witch, and never mentioned it again,

then about a month later i was watching this show called the mad mad mad house, and that night i had my awakening.  i was dreaming that i was on fire, with my hands bound.  and people off to the sides of me were yelling "your a witch, burn in hell" over and over again.  and it didnt bother me, as a matter of fact, i felt kind of calm and safe, as i sat there and burned, and my current self asked am i a witch, and then i had a flash of all the witchy things i had done or been doing all my life and i thought wow i am.  

the next morning i woke up and looked at the puter about wicca and paganisim, and realized so much that i was infact a witch that i blurted out to my boyfriend rather suddenly, "OMG im a witch" he just looked at me with contempt and said well thou shalt not suffer a witch to live, (i had given him a back ground of the dream and what i was looking at on the puter)

when i told my mom she said well be careful with that, and i urged her to read about wicca and paganisim and she called me back and said your right you are a witch.  

as did most of my friends who did not out right dump our friend ship right then and there, they all said what you didnt know, or its about damn time.  i was 27.  

i went out right away and went to the first witches meet up that was comming up the next week, and the friends i made there i still have too this day.  

 and there you have it, my awakening in a nutshell...

i guess ill write more about what came after later but for now i have to get ready for work.